I sort of missed the Oscar buzz this year and then I missed the show. Here are few reasons why.
First, why do the Oscars buzz? Why don’t they crackle? Why don’t they hum? I don’t like bees, so when buzzing happens I tend to avoid it.
Second,
Matt Damon. Was he even nominated? Matt Damon should be nominated every year and win. He is my new Vin Diesel.
Third, TV is so dumb, I should have give up TV for Lent, but I’ve already given up TV except for
LOST which burned be so badly last week I have the DHARMA scar to prove it. Just hold me, Jack. Let’s touch fingers through the bear cage. That is romance, folks. I should know I belong to RWA.
Fourth, no good movies have ever been nominated for an Oscar.
Kramer vs. Kramer , Philadelphia, Titanic. These are not happy movies. Dear the Motion Picture Academy and the Foreign Press: Have you ever heard of Zoolander,
Terminator (or Terminator 2), and Elf? These are quality cinematic productions. I haven’t seen Dreamgirls, but do you remember Chris Tucker’s performance in Friday. Smokey wants a golden statue.
Five, all of my fingers on my right hand.
Six, Forrest Whitaker. His kids have silly names, but ever since
“The Hand that Rocks the Cradle,” that dude has seriously creeped me out. After Matt Damon and Chris Tucker, he is most deserving of the Oscar buzz (crackle, hum, snap, pop, or whatever).
Seven, do you care what the actors are wearing? Or not wearing? A diamond bracelet that costs three times the price of my house? This is Oscar fizzle.
Did no one listen to Leo and that movie Blood Diamond? Oh, wait. It’s cool for little African kids to have their hands chopped off so Eva Longoria can gain a few pounds wearing her 100 carat tennis bracelet.
Eight Headed Hydra. Good place to hear me vent.